Jordan Green talks lasting marriage in the hookup era and "The three C's"

The idea of marriage just doesn’t have the luster it once did. Hookup culture is the new “norm,” and people don’t like to be tied down by the heavy moral fiber of the golden wedding band in the 21st Century. Not many marriages end up becoming the unbreakable, binding unions they once were.

But I can tell you about one marriage that, 50 years later, is stronger than ever: the marriage between my grandparents.

Five decades ago this month, Jimmy and Patsy Dean were brought together by the grace of God following a blind date set up by their friends. This month, they celebrated their anniversary at their former home in the town of New Liberty, a small Western Oklahoma community on the outskirts of Sayre.

My grandpa, better known as “Papa,” and my grandma, better known as “Mimi,” were welcomed back to their old church for the fun and festivities. From 1986 to 2012, Papa pastored the church, and Mimi led praise and worship. (I might add that Papa, one of the best carpenters in the world in my opinion, even built the church’s sanctuary. All these years later, it’s still the most beautiful church I’ve ever been in. And I’ve seen some churches, let me tell you.)

The ceremony was a bit of a surprise to my grandparents because they had no idea how many people would be there. A lot of the folks who showed up were from the Sayre area, but several trekked from Colorado and Texas to wish the Deans a happy 50th.

From friends and neighbors to coworkers and family members, I would estimate that the total number of visitors was just shy of 100. The spectacular surprise came off thanks to the diligent work of Jeremy Dean (my uncle) and Heather Riddle (my aunt). They spent months meticulously planning the celebration and inviting those who knew my grandparents.

The fact that so many people wanted to congratulate my grandparents was stunning. But that wasn’t the main reason they were there: Most folks came to thank my grandparents for helping them through tough times by being a role-model couple.

Many times, couples get into trivial spats that can ultimately contribute to the downfall of their marriages. Couples don't always see eye-to-eye, yes. But it’s the way they handle disagreements that matters most.

On that topic, here’s what Papa had to say:

“Pat and I made a decision that, if we were at odds with one another, we would use our bedroom as the courtroom and get in agreement. That generally came down to praying together. If you’re praying with someone, you probably don't have time to argue and waste time in the flesh.”

That’s an important thing for all people to remember, even if you’re not a person of faith: Don’t let disputes get in the way of the rest of your lives together. Settle them peacefully.

In addition to that, my grandparents were able to offer a few more pieces of advice about how to have a long, healthy marriage. Just what are the “keys” to it?

“Commitment to one another, communication, and learning to say ‘I'm sorry’ and ‘Yes, ma’am.' Pat and I always put God first before each other. Where two agree, it makes a strong cord,” Papa said.

In their case, let’s call those the three ‘Cs’: Commitment, communication, and Christian faith.

My grandparents lived out their wedding vows each and every day of their lives, and they’ve got three great kids – my uncle, aunt, and mother – to prove it.

Uncle Jeremy, who wrote a wonderful article about their marriage for the Beckham County Record, said that my grandparents never allowed dissent to interrupt the flow of their beautiful marriage.

“Julie, Heather, and I agree that one of the most amazing things about our parents’ marriage is that we’ve never seen them fight. Some occasional squabble over Dad forgetting where or how much he wrote a check for might draw some open criticism from Mom -- and giggles on our part -- but we’ve never seen a disagreement where the outcome got personal,” Jeremy said.

As one of their grandchildren, I too can say that I’ve never seen Mimi and Papa fight. How amazing is that?

My grandparents’ marriage might be considered an “anomaly” by today’s standards, but it doesn’t have to be. I challenge you to follow the wise words of my grandparents. Work toward resolving disputes, communicating clearly, and and having a strong faith – whatever that may mean to you.

You too can have a marriage like Mimi and Papa’s. It all starts with love. Fifty years later, Jimmy and Patsy Dean are still madly in love with each other – just as they will be for the rest of eternity.