End of life planning: leaving loved ones in good shape

I saw this headline online the other day: “How worried should you be about dying in your sleep?”

To say I was taken aback is an understatement. Who has the authority to say someone should be worried about anything at all?

No one has that power, and in fact, no one should ever tell anyone to worry. That’s a topic for another column.

But while no one should worry about their lives – or their deaths – people should be making plans that will ease end-of-life burdens for their loved ones.

I’m talking, of course, about getting your affairs in order before you pass away.

Yes, it’s a rather uncomfortable topic, but its importance has been highlighted lately.

If you’ve been keeping up with The Journal-Tribune lately, you’ll notice that Page 3 has been filled with obituaries. I wrote one last week paying homage to two wonderful people, Jack and Linda Day, who passed away somewhat unexpectedly after experiencing illnesses.

In the last two years, so many people have lost loved ones unexpectedly because of the coronavirus and other terrible occurrences. Their untimely deaths have left their families in mourning – and, all too often, scrambling to take care of their estates and final expenses. I’m writing about this topic because I have heard stories from so many people who are going through this kind of situation right now.

In some cases, people’s unresolved final affairs have caused financial disputes, resulting in major divisions and splits in families. Talk about adding fatal insult to fatal injury.

No one wants his or her death to overload his or her loved ones. But people all too often leave great troubles behind for their families and friends because they never wrote wills, put legal documents in place detailing their end-of-life care preferences or purchased funeral policies.

When it comes to life, “wrapping it up” seems to be an arduous process.

However, it is simpler than one might think thanks to a checklist from the National Institute on Aging.

The NIA lists these steps on its website for end-of-life planning, also called advance care planning:
• “Start discussions early with your loved one while everyone can still help make decisions.
• “Create documents that communicate healthcare, financial management, and end of life wishes for yourself and the people you care for, with legal advice as needed.
• “Review plans regularly, and update documents as circumstances change.
• “Put important papers in one place. Make sure a trusted family member or friend knows the location and any instructions.
• “Make copies of healthcare directives to be placed in all medical files, including information on every doctor seen.
• “Give permission in advance for a doctor or lawyer to talk directly with a caregiver as needed. 
• “Reduce anxiety about funeral and burial arrangements by planning ahead.”

I know several folks who have taken these steps and left their loved ones with a much lighter load. And the resources for you to do this are readily available.

Blackwell has several attorneys who are able and willing to help people prepare wills, do-not-resuscitate orders and other legal documents. The area also has several funeral homes that will make sure your life’s celebration goes just as you want it to by planning it in advance.

This isn’t an easy topic to talk about for anyone, of course. But the sooner people get it out of the way, the sooner they can get back to enjoying life – and knowing that their families will be taken care of.

If you’re at the point in your life where you know the road behind you is longer than the road before you, it’s probably time to consider how you can leave your loved ones in good shape.

Don’t worry about dying in your sleep, like that sensational headline said. But make sure that your family will be in good hands no matter when you check out.